5 Years

Five years ago, I was in a small hotel in very rural  southern Viet Nam.  Our hotel looked out over the ocean.  My husband and I, along with four other families and three guides had spent the very long day in a hot van driving some 8 hours on only slightly paved roads through the picturesque country side of south Viet Nam.  Although the ride was rough, my eyes fixed on the world outside the van.  What lie outside those windows was some of the most beautiful scenes I had ever seen.  Rice fields, water buffalo, small homes, children and livestock lined the road.  We passed countless families traveling by motorbike on a road not large enough for two cars to safely pass each other.  We ended this long day with a surprise stop at our son's orphanage.  We were able to meet our baby for the first time.  In that moment our lives changed forever.  We were only hours from becoming parents, only hours short of being entrusted with this precious life forever.  Over the course of the past two days my life had become so much more than I ever imagined.  My journey to parenthood led me to this magical place.  The sights, smells and people of Viet Nam would be forever entrenched in my soul.  Viet Nam would become a part of who I am.  The sights along the country side painted a picture of poverty.  The plight of these families and of generations of people in Viet Nam before them often invades my thoughts now as we live our comfortable life in the suburbs with two cars, private schools and abundant food to fill us up.  I am struck by how joyous, optimistic and giving the Vietnamese people seemed to be in spite of how little some had.

A is doing well.  Five years later, he is growing and thriving.  Despite his grief and struggle to adjust to this new life, he initially experienced, he is now happy and peaceful.  He is very social and laughing all the time.  He has even adjusted to his new found allergies and diet with the grace and optimism I wouldn't expect from a 5 year old.  I am so proud of the person he is becoming.  We are still learning everyday how to be a family.  I am happy for the opportunities A will have here with our family.  However, my soul aches for all he will never know of Viet Nam.  I feel like we took something away from him,  I mourn for myself and for him.  I selfishly want to be back in Viet Nam as I was five years ago but I selfishly want him to be here with me.  I am so grateful for the past five years.  I hope I can give back to my son a fraction of the all he has brought to my life.