Stay or Leave

We have been discussing where to move since putting our house on the market a few months ago.  Each time we talk about it, A tells us he wants to live in Viet Nam.  I am becoming increasingly unnerved by the recurrent request.  We have explained that since we are unable to speak the language it would be impossible for mommy and daddy to work in Vietnam.  He insists we can learn the language.

While it is no secret how much we love Vietnam, I am spending more time questioning our reason for not moving there.  Why not sell our home and most of our possessions and give this to our son?  Why not try something new?  Why not experience the food, the culture, the people in a way we will never be able to just by visiting?

My heart has longed to return to Vietnam for four years.  I have hungered to taste the dragonfruit, the durian and the <em>real</em><em></em> nuoc cham again.  I would love to see the beautiful landscape of the Mekong Delta everyday, to have my soul filled with the sounds of motor bikes honking and the smells of pho being prepared and served on the city streets.  I would give anything to be able hear the language spoken often enough to begin to understand their words.  I long to know more of the people who despite generations of chaos, war, poverty and foreign invasion of their homeland continue to approach each day, the world and others with an infectious joy and hope.

My heart longs to understand why A has been so consistent with this request.  Is he trying to tell me something more?  He knows so little of Vietnam and sadness fills me when I think of how little of Vietnam and it's culture, people and traditions he will be able to experience just by visiting.  We took him away from all of these things.   On the other hand would all of these things feel so special about Vietnam if we lived it each day?  Must it be something we only experience from time to time to preserve such special memories?

Happy Birthday to A!

Today is A's 5th birthday.  We celebrated with family, gifts and cake.  He did not eat one bite of either birthday cake.  I cannot believe how mature he has become over the past year.  He is becoming a great big brother.  He is a very active little boy who charms everyone with his happy nature.

The time since he joined our family has passed so quickly.  It is so difficult to celebrate the boys' birthdays without my mind traveling to Vietnam.  I wish with all my heart that I knew what this day was like for him and his birth family.  I wish I knew more of the circumstances surrounding his day of birth and what must have been a heart wrenching decision for his birth mom.  I wonder about the first few months of his life.  There are so many things I missed... so many things I will never know about that time.  I wish I could let his birth family know that he is always warm.  He always has enough to eat.  He always sleeps in a comfortable bed.  He is loved and respected and all his talents are encouraged.  He is smart.  He is funny.  He is happy!

Missing the Babies

Dear husband is starting a new job this week.  He is actually returning to his old job.  Therefore due to work and childcare conflicts  the boys are spending the week with grandma.  It has been three days since we have seen our sweet babies.  It has been wonderful to have free time, however I feel a little lost as to how to fill my days without two babies needing me to feed them, dress them, and break up their fights, read to them, brush their teeth and wipe their noses.

There are so many productive things I should spend my days doing while I have all the free time in the world to complete these tasks.

Here are the things I should be doing...

-cleaning the house

-making sure all the diapers are clean for B's return (he is wearing disposables at grandma's)

-giving the dog a bath

-preparing all our summer vegetables to have for meals through the winter

-going to the social security office to get a card for B

-paying bills

-birthday preparation for A

-school shopping

-exercising

-mowing the lawn (well at least helping dear husband mow the lawn)

-grocery shopping

Here are the things I have spent the past few days doing instead....

-Reading a new book I bought after spending an hour in the book store browsing books and drinking coffee

-blogging

-catching up on all the blogs I follow

-napping

-birthday shopping for A

-grocery shopping, leisurely, without the "get in, get out, keep everyone in the cart and all the food we are not buying on the shelves" mentality I usually grocery shop with

-watching cooking shows

-lunch with an friend

It turns out all those things I should be doing and try to balance accomplishing everyday just aren't worth doing without the interruption of little requests for help putting on shoes, something to eat, reading a book or just anything to spend time with mama.  I am really puzzled as I begin to wonder what exactly I filled my time with before these little babies came into my life.  It is so quiet and boring around here now.

I miss you A and B!  Can't wait for you to be home!

Heritage Camp

We just returned home from  Vietnamese Heritage Camp in Estes Park Colorado.  As usual, we had an incredible time.   It is always such a great experience for our family.  We feel so lucky to be able to connect with all of the other adoptive families, adult adoptees and Vietnamese Americans who donate their time to camp.

We feel privileged to call these people our families.  We share such a deep connection with them.   It feels good to spend three days in the presence of people who just get us.  No introductions are needed.  We are all connected on an unspoken level.  These families have experienced the same loss, grief, obstacles and joys our family has.

It is very powerful to experience what this camp offers for our kids. Children who have not seen or spoken to each other for 362 days pick up with the friendships and conversations they left the year before.

This year is the 35th anniversary of Operation Babylift so much of the adult panels focused on this significant anniversary.  We were able to view the documentary film Operation Babylift: The Lost Children of Vietnam.  We were able to meet the film's associate producer, Jared Rehberg (who we already knew and loved from last year's camp).  We also attended a presentation by author Dana Sachs discussing her new book, The Life We Were Given:  Operation Babylift, International Adoption and the Children of War in Vietnam.

I most enjoy the adult adoptee panels  and discussion done each year by Vietnamese adoptees.  They offer so many unique perspectives about adoption and are some of the most beautiful people we have ever met.

Of course we also were able to eat Vietnamese food, watch martial arts, listen to Vietnamese music and learn more about Vietnam's history, culture and language.

I highly recommend the heritage camps and hope all families with internationally adopted children will make it a priority to attend.

Korea

I though this was really moving and wanted B to be able to read it someday.  I also wanted to share with others. From Prime Minister Chung Un-Chan  Korea Then and Now

Adoption Day

Today is A's adoption day! It has been four  years since he became our son. We spent this day telling him stories of Vietnam  and how this special day played out four years ago on the other side of the  world. I can't believe it has been so long. He has grown so much. He is as  energetic as ever, fighting sleep now even as I write this. He is sweet and  loves to make others laugh, including his baby brother. He is curious and loves  cars or anything with wheels. Happy Adoption Day!

It's Official!

Today we finalized B's adoption. He is officially our son although we have known for a year that he isToday we finalized B's adoption. He is officially our son although we have known for a year that he is our son. It is one year to the day that we first saw his photo and we have now finalized his adoption. We are so happy to be finished with the paperwork process and we can now just enjoy our time as a family. Happy Adoption Day!!

God and Adoption

Here is a link to an interesting post I read on another blog I follow. I think she explains how we view adoption in relationship to god in a very eloquent way. I especially like the quote that "adoption is a redemptive response to a tragedy." In some ways we can share the loss of the original plan with our kids. God's plan A for our family would have been to be a family in the biological sense. Since environment and biology made that impossible for us God led us to an alternate plan. In a perfect world our boys would have been able to be raised by their biological families and remained in their homelands. However since society, politics, economics, personal choice or whatever reason, only their birth families, know made that impossible for them God lead their birth families to an alternate plan. Our new plan for a family lead us to seek adoption while their plan B was decided for them and also included adoption. God brought us together, by opening our hearts and their birth families' hearts to adoption. We share the loss of a biological connection to family with our children. It angers me when people verbalize their opinions about our family situation implying that we were joined as a family because God meant it to be. God allowed us all free will and personal choice made us an adoptive family. Our personal choice was definitely guided by God but not determined by some greater plan. We have always believed biology, not God, made us infertile but that God called our hearts to adoption. We have always believed that poverty, social stigma or a reason we may never know led the boys' birth moms to choose not to parent but that God called their hearts to choose the plan of adoption for them. We would never teach our boys that our God wanted or planned for them to be relinquished by their birth families or that he wanted them to be raised anywhere other than their birth country. Under this assumption, we are teaching our children about taking responsibility for our own lives and that we make a choice to listen to or follow God.Please do all you can to help families stay together such a sponsoring a child or donating to charities that focus on family preservation. For all the children whose families chose not to parent for whatever reason please open your hearts to adoption.

Our Little Tongginator: God and Adoption

Happy Lunar New Year!

Today is the start of the lunar new year.  In Vietnam it is called Tet Nguyen Dan and in Korea it is called Seollal. This  is the year of the Tiger. The lunar new year celebration is a significant one  for both Korea and Vietnam. Although both countries celebrate the solar/western  new year on January 1, the lunar new year is a traditional holiday of great  importance in many Asian countries. Depending upon the country, most people  usually have anywhere from three days to a week off of work and school. Many  people travel back home to celebrate with family. It is a time to welcome  spring, clean your homes, honor ancestors, clear debts and celebrate birthdays.  Traditionally in both Vietnam and Korea all birthdays except the 1st are  celebrated on the lunar new year. It is the day in which everyone turns a year  older. Children are given gifts and huge feasts are prepared. Parades and  fireworks displays are often held.



We try as a family each  year to celebrate this important holiday with our family. We use this time to  teach the children about their heritage and spend time with other adoptive  families. We attempt to prepare traditional Vietnamese and Korean recipes and  usually dress the kids in their traditional clothing.



Happy New  Year!!